I was told from my initial diagnosis that a lumpectomy was not an option. Thus, even though I had what appears to be a complete response to the chemo, I will still need to have a mastectomy. As I mentioned before, I have decided to do a single mastectomy. They would do a double mastectomy if I wanted to do one. A lot of women are choosing a prophylactic double mastectomy. I understand why someone would make this choice. Sometimes I think I am crazy for not doing the same. But my decision came down to a) statistically my cancer is more likely to come back somewhere else in my body as opposed to in my left breast; b) after all that my body has been through (and will have to continue to go through), I wanted as easy a recovery as possible; c) I can't imagine not having at least one "real" boob for the rest of my life.
On that last point, people ask me how I'm feeling about surgery. I'm nervous about it but anxious to get it over with. I am having a difficult time wrapping my head around the thought of waking up from surgery and not having a right breast. Honestly, I think it is better to not think about it and just deal with it after it is a reality.
Because of my response to the chemo, Dr. Coleman discussed with me the possibility of a nipple sparring surgery. But she took one look at my boob and said, you know, when they do the surgery they are going to lift your breast and I think that the nipple will be in the wrong spot. This is a kind way of saying, your breast are too saggy for that nipple to be of any use. Dr. Zetrenne very matter-of-factly just said no to saving the nipple. (On a side note, if you'd have told me six months ago if I'd be writing about my nipples in a blog, I'd have wondered what had gone so wrong in my life.)
The one open question at this point is radiation. Dr. Coleman said that even though I had what appears to be a complete response to chemo (this will need to be confirmed when they test my tissue and nodes from surgery), the standard of care is to do radiation. In many cases, radiation would only be necessary if I had a lumpectomy. But, because of the extent of my cancer and that it was in my lymph nodes, radiation is recommended. This is compounded by the fact that I have triple negative cancer. We will know more after surgery. I do have the option to opt out of radiation if they determine all the cancer is gone. (I mean, I always have the option of opting out of particular treatments. No one makes you do chemo or have surgery.) I mean that I have the "safe" option of opting out.
To celebrate the good news of my response to chemo, Seth and I went to LA for the weekend. We stayed with some friends and went to the Broad Museum and then to a nice dinner at 71Above.
One of my favorite Jeff Koons works because it's sort of creepy and weird.
After one hot flash at the restaurant, I ripped my hat off and went bald for the night. Liberating.
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